The coo coos nest-

Why does it feel like I always come running back to this blog when life gets hard? Well, thats because I do. No this isnt well written, no this isnt magical. This blog is for me, it helps me write down my idiotic thoughts and feelings. Lately, things have got me really fucked up. Have I really gotten to the point where im that girl that goes to the bar to drink alone a read a book? You know, I used to feel bad when I would go out and I would see someone eating, or drinking alone, but you know what, I envy them i really do. It has taken me many years to feel secure enough in myself to go anywhere alone due to the thought of feeling insecure and everyone would be judging that i was alone but as of late, thats exactly what I am. All day I felt nothing but lonely, reaching out to each and every friend in my circle only to find out every single one was busy. However, when someone became available i felt this deep urge to be alone, knowing i would have to put up a facade to fit the part to not seem like a depressed loon. Is that so bad? depressed loon i mean. It feels impossible to get through a week without crying at least once. sheesh, am i really that weak? Am i really going to let someone feel like this, where i just dont even want to exist at all? The answer is yes, and i definitely have. It feels like im made out of glass and my emotions are made out of a hundred hammers thats have their sights set and smashing me into a million pieces. Why cant I just let go? How do you just let a piece of you go after it being there for 5 years? My head and heart tells me you are universes happier without me, you dont reach out although you will say you miss me. It feels obligatory on your part, like you say it because you know i am only shards of glass and you know that somehow i could manage to break even more if you dont. All i can do is tell myself: TURN THE FUCKING LIGHT ON.
you dont have to keep living in the dark, flip the switch you idiot.
-if only it were that simple.